Crabbies to Comfort.

GOD'S THREE ANSWERS TO YOUR PRAYERS:
1. Yes.
2. Not yet.
3. I have something better in mind.

During my case of the crabbies, I turned to Matt for help. He’s got this very calm, wise way about him. I’m always put at ease by the sound of his voice and by the counsel he gives. We had an ongoing discussion for probably about a week, trying to figure out what was next for us.

My thoughts on starting a family had always been thus: Accomplish those things you can only do as a couple first because afterward it would be difficult to find the time and money and, if you’re old by that point, the strength. So my mindset was that if this Africa, or Italy, or China trip didn’t happen NOW... it wouldn’t ever happen. And, I have had such strong feelings that my work in some of these countries is not yet finished. So logically, how could it work to change the order of it all?

The following are some notes from a family counsel Matt and I shared together during this time of decision-making (It was written by Matt, hence the correct grammar and large word usage):

In light of our recent thoughts and ideas about the timing of our life’s events (specifically service abroad versus beginning our little family) Christine and I decided to sit down and talk about it and pray about it. After beginning with prayer, we did our best to search it out in our minds before taking a decision to the Lord. We both prayed individually about the decisions we had come up with in our own minds. We felt that though both desires were good and righteous, and that either course of action would have been acceptable to the Lord, the course of action more closely aligned with the Lord’s will was that we begin our family immediately. Stating that decision out loud invited the Spirit so strongly that tears came to our eyes. We know that if the Lord would have us serve His children abroad, He will provide such opportunities. For now, we will move forward with obeying the commandment “to multiply and replenish the earth,” trusting that the Lord will make known to us joys and blessings that we can’t even yet fully comprehend. We are excited to start this new chapter of our lives. We know that this is the path that we are to be on!

So that was that. We had decided!.... And yet, unfortunately, I wavered quite a bit. I had a hard time with the decision. Faith is a difficult principle for me-- I’ll be the first to admit it. I tend to second-guess some of the answers/ feelings I get, and I wish I didn’t. But, going into the October 2011 Conference, I planned to receive that final confirmation. I knew that I needed it. The Lord knew that I needed it. And He gave it to me here.

Search, Ponder, Pray, Repeat.

I have returned.

After months and months of absence, I’m finally back to talk about what I’ve been up to. And boy has it been something. Let’s see... where to begin... I’ll start in late Summer, early Fall semester 2011. Matt and I had begun talking about what we would “do” when I graduated. We figured with my being done with school, and him taking off Spring and Summer semester, we could kind of escape Provo for a few months. I imagined Summer 2012 being this magical time where Matt and I would meander off into the world and share experiences together that would prepare us even more so for our future life.

Daily, almost hourly, my mind was filled with thoughts of traveling abroad to Africa..... to China.... to Italy.... to South America!! AHHHHH!!! I daydreamed about the people we would meet, the things we would do to make a difference in their lives, and the lessons that we would learn from them while doing so. Every spare minute was spent glued to the computer screen, researching programs that sent married couples abroad at a small expense (yeah, there aren’t many). It was an exciting time for me because I truly felt like this was the next step for Matt and I.

I was 100% driven (and I’m kind of scary when I get like that). I was determined to make a plan and nothing was getting in my way. Since college, I’ve had this inner push to do things that will matter, to do things that are important and meaningful not only for myself but for those around me as well. I felt that this push combined with some serious prayer and contemplation would lead me to the perfect program.

And yet it didn’t really go that way at all. It didn’t really go anywhere. It went kind of like this: I found a program, prayed about it, felt pretty good, and started moving forward. And then it fell through. So, I chose another program in another country, prayed about it, felt pretty good, and started moving forward. That fell through as well. This happened at least two more times before I started to feel some serious frustration with the matter. I was going about this decision in the same way I had gone about all the big decisions up to that point in my life. Making a choice. Praying about it. Moving forward, etc. But, I wasn’t experiencing what I was used to experiencing. Things kept falling through. I was confused about the whole thing. Upset, even, that something that could be so influential and wonderful, didn’t seem to be in the plan afterall. HIS plan, that is.

I ached to go abroad again. Since my mission, Africa has been this dream land for me. I met and taught a number of African people on my mission and the connection I felt with them was so powerful, I knew I wanted to be there, with them... somehow. Remembering that feeling, and then having this perfect time slot, and the perfect program in front of me... and then having all of it fall through was so disheartening. I had a hard time with it. I didn’t understand what Heavenly Father was trying to tell me. And worst of all, I didn’t have a PLAN. Urgh, I hate not having a plan. I knew He knew how it would all go down eventually, but I also knew Heavenly Father’s timing was not my own so I had no idea when He would let me in on it all. So yes, I’ll be honest, sometimes I gave Him the silent treatment because of it (I’m sure He’s somewhat used to that though, He’s got a lot of daughters).

george is a saint.

party hardy--- was what we did in st. george.

matt and i spent 4 1/2 days up in st. george as a, "yay you finished summer term!" celebration. martha, bradley, and cj joined us for a day and a half. and the rest of the time, matt and i just...

R . E . L . A . X . E . D

george, we appreciate you. more than you know. you truly are A SAINT...

service: the best exercise for the heart ever prescribed.

my mission gave me an incredible insight into MYSELF.

I AM HAPPIEST WHEN I'M SERVING.

the opposite can be said if i'm spending a little too much time thinking about ME, i'm just NOT very happy.

my Father in Heaven has blessed me to be "feeling myself" again lately. i'm so blessed. which only means one thing: time to give back.

one thing i've learned about Heavenly Father is that he honors righteous desires. when i pray to have opportunities to serve, i have them. ALWAYS.

a couple of weeks ago i was blessed with an experience that made me feel like a missionary again. and i loved it.

matt and i went to the BYU post office to mail a package. when we arrived, we noticed the door was closed and locked-- bummer. in looking around, we saw a lady waiting near the doors and we decided to ask her if she knew when the post office would be open again. she didn't know either. but we got to talking...


i asked her, "where are you sending your package?". "to the MTC", she said. "oh how neat! do you have a missionary there?"... "yes, my son". "oh how wonderful-- where's he going to serve?".... the conversation continued. we soon learned that this woman had traveled from Salt Lake to send her missionary son a package of fresh bread and nutella. she kept telling us, "he's been wanting this for so long!". she was the epitome of a proud missionary mom. she talked to us about all that he was learning and how much his testimony had grown. and her bread and nutella was her "i love you" to him before he headed out into the mission field a few days later. the BYU post office was her only bet in getting it to him before the bread went bad. and it was closed. and he was leaving in 2 days for the mission field.

do you ever have the feeling that you are exactly where Heavenly Father wants you to be, and there's a reason for it? i LOVE that feeling. i LIVE for that feeling. it's a feeling i had daily in the mission field and one that i feel i've had to work even harder for since being home. but it comes when we pray... we tell Heavenly Father we want to help HIM, and you better believe He's all about it.

so we start to brainstorm. me, matt, and sister Paéz. the only information she had about her son was his mailbox number and his departure date. our situation was that even if i were able to sneak the bread/ nutella in, how in the world would I find him? he was learning spanish so i thought i'd call Bradley to see if he had any idea where we could find Elder Paez. Of all the spanish districts and zones, Elder Paez just happened (haha) to be in Bradley's teaching zone. so the impossible all of a sudden became possible. matt and i took the package from her and planned to have Bradley pick it up and take it to the MTC with him that night and deliver it to Elder Paez.

the cherry on top of this experience was Sister Paez' reaction when it all worked out. with tears in her eyes and after 15 thank you's and 5 hugs, she gave matt and i some of the sweetest marriage advice i've ever heard... "be careful.... and stay together".
Heavenly Father is a master at multi-tasking. He leads his children into each other's paths and makes it so that each party is blessed, made happier and lighter, and leaves with an increased knowledge of His love for THE ONE.

firpst annibersary.

well folks, we've arrived at our year mark. we are now experts on everything marriage. mahah.

first year accomplishments are as follows:

1. we've managed to create our own language that we use 84% of the time in speaking to each other. it scares other people, so we try and only use it in the confines of our own home.
2. we've gone from months and months sleeping on an air mattress to now sleeping on a normal bed like normal human beings.
3. we painted our table blue.
4. we've consumed more mcdonalds and wendy's than anyone should ever consume in a year's time. and as a result, i've become a bit more of a chubby chubberson and matt... well,... matt is the still the same.
5. we can read each other really well now. matt knows what it means for christine to be crabby and when she needs a backrub, and christine knows when he needs some relaxy time to program or just to talk about one of his new dreams/ ideas.
6. we've learned just how important it is to stay close, keep the Spirit, say sorry, and pick our battles. Satan works hard on this thing called marriage, but i'm afraid he's out of luck with us two.
7. prayer, scriptures, and fhe= success.
8. we've seen each other at our lowest lows. yipes. but that has just made us love each other harder.
9. saying "i love you" never gets old.
10. marriage is fragile-- so be sure to kiss a lot, slow dance, tell secrets, tell the other they're hot, and speak kindly and gently.


today has been a day like most others. we had a "family dance": this ritual consists of matt and i turning on our favorite tunes and dancing around the house. we turned on the song that was played at our reception one year ago today, "Sing With Me" by my matt. we held each other and slow danced. matt said, "let's be together forever, okay?"... i said, "sounds like a plan, stan".

we plan on going out to eat at our favorite italian restaurant later this evening: gloria's little italy. this place is heaven on earth. in our mouths. it's so good you almost (.... ALMOST) don't realize that with every bite of ravioli, you're getting poorer and poorer (we did the math one time... each ravioli with cheese is like $3 bucks... how wonderful).

here's a note i received from my sweet husband just minutes ago--

Dear Christine,

It’s hard to believe that an entire year has passed since we were sealed for time and all eternity. That day marks a turning point in our lives that leads directly to God and the eternal happiness He enjoys. You are the single greatest blessing of my life. My heart fills to the brim as I reflect on our experiences and the choices we have made during this last year that have brought us closer. You may not fully understand, due to the impossibility of expressing such a thing using words, what you are for me. You are my emotional support, my companion, my conduit through which I most often experience Heavenly Father’s love, my best friend, my soul mate, my rock… my sure.

We’ve spent one wonderful year together. It has been a year of learning and growing as we’ve communicated on deep levels and shared sacred experiences. The thought that this process will continue on throughout our lives and after brings great joy to my heart. I feel as though you are not merely the person with whom I share a deep connection, but rather that you are in fact a part of me; you are the best part of me.

I love you for who you are, for who you’ve chosen to be. I am humbled and honored that our Father saw fit to give me such a gift as you. He knows how to give His children good gifts, and He knows that you are the greatest gift that I could have ever been given, aside only from the Gift of His Son. I thank Him for you, especially as I reflect on the beautiful experiences we shared one year ago in His temple.

I can’t wait to share the rest of our lives together and continue down the path we have established for ourselves. Thank you for being my everything.

I love you. Forever.

-Matthew

i know i get to be with this wonderful person i call my husband for time and all eternity. i know it's possible through Jesus Christ. what a miracle. what a blessing.

new guilty pleasure= decorating.

i used to make fun of people who worried about what their home looked like. now look at me. i'm a mess. but i can't stop. it's oh so much fun.

leather chair: $50 on KSL (regularly $250)
foot stool: $10 at Ross

globe: $10 at D.I.
side table: $12 at Ross

Shelf: given to us by family; stain: $12

chair: given to us by family; paint-- $12
cushion for matt's bum: $6 at walmart

table and chairs: given to us by family; paint-- $12
vase and flower: $2 at D.I.

happy happenings.

it's 1:03 in the afternoon and matt and i still have bed-head. what does that tell you? man, i love fridays.

what's new?

-i'm growing out my bangs as of late so my hair is struggling something fierce. those "in-between" hair-styles are so special. wish me luck-- i'm worried i'll just get so frustrated that i'll cut them back again and then be back at square-one.

-matt and my skin is so pasty-white from staying in our cave (aka. apartment) pretty much all summer. so i'm finally caving and getting a tanning pass. seems silly because the SUN is free, but it must be done. drastic whiteness calls for drastic tanning.

-a few evenings ago we attended the OWL CITY CONCERT. was it incredible? yes. did it blow my mind? yes. was it incredibly stinky? yes.--so, we go downtown to "in the venue" for the concert and it was NOT air-conditioned. add 300 people to the mix and it starts to smell a little foul. stick those 300 people into an unfortunately small space and "foul" very quickly becomes "rank". but OWL CITY came out and all was well. i looked around during the concert and it was so cool to see everyone having such a wonderful time. music really unites people. i googled "Adam" (Owl City lead singer/ song-writer) on the drive home and discovered he struggles with aspergers disease. people who struggle with aspergers disease have intense difficulty in social situations. and here he is performing for hundreds of people, making us laugh, and helping us feel optimistic about life. he is NOT his disease. that is so inspiring to me.

-new game obsession: SKIP-BO. this game is part of the reason why we went to bed so late last night and have yet to really START the day today. it is so enjoyable. the best part is just sitting across from my EC. we are horrible competitors because we end up putting down cards that will help the other win.

-my current medication is treating me well. i'm on the off-brand for Zoloft (depression medication), and it really helps me to be who i want to be. it doesn't substitute personal effort by any means, but it gets me to the point where i don't feel like i have to climb a mountain, just a stair-case or two. i made the mistake of missing a few days last week. i sunk pretty low pretty quickly. and i started to get these "brain-zaps" which, from reading the withdrawal symptoms online, we found out is "normal" (haha).

-matt and i will be married for exactly one year in 5 days. 5 days. wow. it's been quite the ride. i never realized i could be so completely reliant on one individual. i need him always. without him, i feel like i'm missing a vital limb. maybe even two. he helps me enjoy this journey called life.